I finally talked to Alice yesterday (the pregnant woman who is studying to be a CNM - she's not actually a midwife yet). She apparently has been very involved in the homebirth movement here in Rochester and has been a doula for 10 years. She's about 4 months pregnant. She gave me all the info I needed to get started! The name of a homebirth circle that meets monthly, 2 midwives and their numbers and what they're like and info about prenatal yoga! We're also going to each attend LLL meetings in the area and find the one that is most supportive of our parenting practices and start attending together. I can't wait to meet her in person!

She has apparently been very ill the first trimester of her pregnancy though, to the point of being on IVs, so she is just starting to get out and about again. Poor woman! Hopefully I don't get too sick.

I had a *horrible* dream about my mother last night. It was very odd, very true to life. I was in the present but Soren was still a baby, and my mom came to dinner and we got in a horrible argument and I ended up throwing her out of the house. She was doing her typical weird stuff that pisses me off and I just went over the edge. Then in my dream I ended up out in the back yard, sobbing and so regretful that things always end like that, which they do. :::sigh::: Must be the beginning of pregnancy dreams. I miss having a mom to talk to about such things, even though my mom has never been like that really.

I do at least feel like I'm able to parent more the way I want to now that life has slowed down a bit. I have much more time with the girls and I'm so much more relaxed when I'm with them (except when I'm trying to get them ready for school and they're bickering and stalling!). I'm enjoying them so much more and it shows in their behavior too - they're generally calmer and have a better sense of humor about everything. We're not all keyed up all the time anymore. What a blessing!

Anyway, I need to make a list of what i need to do today.
1. Setup online banking
2. Finish laundry
3. Pack for the weekend
4. Call Erica
5. Go to Danielle's and copy articles for clips to send to the Democrat & Chronicle with my resume
6. Clean my bedroom
7. Get a 2004 planner
8. Go to Zany Brainy's closeout sale and see if I can find stuff for Emma's bday

We'll see if I get all that accomplished. It seems unlikely, although I can do some of it after the girls get home from school. I still don't know if Tom is coming to PA with me or not. I think he wants to, but he also wants to work. I feel the same way. We need the $$, but I want to be with him.