My titles are not showing up for some reason. My last entry was supposed to say Life Without Coffee...
I got some coffee at Dunkin' Donuts so am feeling better. I have to run to my other job and just got home from the gym, but wanted to have some lunch first.
I'm eating cookies and listening to Dar Williams' "Wilder Than Her" which Tom says is about us, although I'm not convinced that he's wilder than me ;).
I have to have a talk with him tonight about Monday's ceremony. He didn't want to take the kids, and I'm feeling kind of torn about it, because Emma really wants to go and I feel like I want them to be there because it affects us as a family. I know that we're going to have a family ceremony in May, but I also understand how she feels left out. I want her to feel a part of it. Tom said that it was fine with him, but I could tell it really wasn't. And I understand his part, that he fell in love with me first and that he wants this to be *our* day. But it's *not* just me. a huge part of who I am is being a mother.
Anyway, so I need to have a good talk with him about it tonight. I just hope he doesn't feel resentful about having the kids there if it's what i really want. I don't think he would, but it's hard for me to talk about heavy things after all the crap I've been through with David. I talked to Danielle about it and she said she would talk to him but I want to do it first and then she can help me out if we can't come to an understanding, but I'm sure we can. I mean, if we're going to spend our lives together, we better figure out how to discuss these things! It's weird, because in some ways, Danielle understand him better than I do because she's known him so much longer, but like she says, I have lots of time to get to know him.
Part of me feels as if I have known him for a thousand years though. Argh. Relationships can be so tricky sometimes and I know I don't have to be afraid to talk to him about anything, because he's so gentle and wonderful and understanding, but I'm afraid anyway. I guess it will take some time to totally build that trust and best-friendship that I know we're capable of. It's not his fault, it's just part of the baggage I have brought with me.
Argh. Gotta run to the Post Office and mail a package (ewwww, I hate holidays crowds!) and get to work and back to meet the bus :::sigh::: I'm really looking forward to tomorrow when I only have to work at the gym in the evening and go and buy a few more gifts for the twins and Mike. Oh, which reminds me, Mike wants to come to the wedding too, but he has the boys, so I don't know how he would do that, and I definitely don't want *4* kids there. I love the twins, but I'd just like it to be MY kids because they're getting married too.
Maybe that's why Tom wants to just have the two of us so nobody is upset that they weren't told or invited. It kind of defeats the point of eloping if you have half the people you love there.
I got some coffee at Dunkin' Donuts so am feeling better. I have to run to my other job and just got home from the gym, but wanted to have some lunch first.
I'm eating cookies and listening to Dar Williams' "Wilder Than Her" which Tom says is about us, although I'm not convinced that he's wilder than me ;).
I have to have a talk with him tonight about Monday's ceremony. He didn't want to take the kids, and I'm feeling kind of torn about it, because Emma really wants to go and I feel like I want them to be there because it affects us as a family. I know that we're going to have a family ceremony in May, but I also understand how she feels left out. I want her to feel a part of it. Tom said that it was fine with him, but I could tell it really wasn't. And I understand his part, that he fell in love with me first and that he wants this to be *our* day. But it's *not* just me. a huge part of who I am is being a mother.
Anyway, so I need to have a good talk with him about it tonight. I just hope he doesn't feel resentful about having the kids there if it's what i really want. I don't think he would, but it's hard for me to talk about heavy things after all the crap I've been through with David. I talked to Danielle about it and she said she would talk to him but I want to do it first and then she can help me out if we can't come to an understanding, but I'm sure we can. I mean, if we're going to spend our lives together, we better figure out how to discuss these things! It's weird, because in some ways, Danielle understand him better than I do because she's known him so much longer, but like she says, I have lots of time to get to know him.
Part of me feels as if I have known him for a thousand years though. Argh. Relationships can be so tricky sometimes and I know I don't have to be afraid to talk to him about anything, because he's so gentle and wonderful and understanding, but I'm afraid anyway. I guess it will take some time to totally build that trust and best-friendship that I know we're capable of. It's not his fault, it's just part of the baggage I have brought with me.
Argh. Gotta run to the Post Office and mail a package (ewwww, I hate holidays crowds!) and get to work and back to meet the bus :::sigh::: I'm really looking forward to tomorrow when I only have to work at the gym in the evening and go and buy a few more gifts for the twins and Mike. Oh, which reminds me, Mike wants to come to the wedding too, but he has the boys, so I don't know how he would do that, and I definitely don't want *4* kids there. I love the twins, but I'd just like it to be MY kids because they're getting married too.
Maybe that's why Tom wants to just have the two of us so nobody is upset that they weren't told or invited. It kind of defeats the point of eloping if you have half the people you love there.
posted by Unknown @ 1:31 PM
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